Sunday, December 30, 2007

Christmas 2007

This Christmas was bittersweet. It was the first Christmas without my wife and my children and my grandchildren without her. I was initially not going to travel back home from Florida. It would be a 3000 mile round trip. Several things caused me to go. First there was Thanksgiving and I read my daughter's blog where she said she missed her father. My son spent Thanksgiving week with me and the day he left, I felt sad and alone. I did not want that for Christmas. My elder daughter's car was aging and a little small for three children. My son called me and suggested I help with a car for her. That night I decided that if she wanted her mothers car I would give it to her. I needed to be home to do the proper paper transactions. Most of all, I wanted to see them all. I took the car to the dealer and had all the necessary work completed. I am so glad the car is staying in the family. I do not need two cars and I did not want to sell it to a stranger.

I attended all the family functions and had great food everywhere I went. The giving of gifts to my family brought me great pleasure. I was chilly in my elder daughter's home Christmas night and my son in law loaned me a sweatshirt which I wore home and also the first day on the road back to Florida. It's great and has big letters on the back proclaiming MAYFLOWER II and the word CREW underneath. Really neat!

I finally got to meet my son's girlfriend. I now know why everyone in the family likes her. She is warm and has a ready smile a great sense of humor and she is quick to laugh.

I had a difficult time in the house. Everywhere I looked I saw Marie. I would get in bed and look at her pillow and see her, and then I could not sleep. The memories of 39 years in our home haunt me.

I was on the road heading south at 7 AM December 26Th and did not stop until Smithfield, NC. I was back to the condo early evening on the 27Th.

I received several thoughtful messages wishing that I find peace during this time of year. They were all comforting.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Ramblings

I have been swimming in the Gulf as the heated pool at the complex was too warm. I saw the notice that for the month of December the heat for the pool would be turned off until January 1st. Good, I thought now I'll swim in the pool as it cools off. Apparently they quit testing the water and I now have an infection in my eye lid. I tried self healing but after several caring folks urged me to see a professional and the lady in the office dialed the number of the Eye Care Center, I was committed. I was on the right track as I was putting hot face cloths on my eye lid. However, that was not enough to get the eye lid to drain. I was instructed to wash a potato and poke some holes in it and heat in the microwave for 5 minutes and wrap in a kitchen towel and apply for 25 minutes 3 times a day. I also needed to get some rather expensive eye drops. Well the potato is doing the job. My eyelid is gradually becoming its normal size. I have also discovered that the bigger the potato, the longer it stays hot. As they cool they shrivel and look very ugly. I will buy swimming goggles before I return to the pool.

Apalachicola

Isn't that a wonderful sounding name. The Apalachicola River drains into the Apalachicola bay purifying the oysters that grow here. They are noted for their sweet pure taste. Today, I drove there to have lunch in Papa Joe's. Its not located on the main street in Apalachicola. Its off towards the area where all the local fishing boats are docked. Its also the place where the locals eat. Marie and I stumbled across it three winters ago as we looked for a nature center that Marie wanted to visit. As an example the Cafe in town that caters to tourists was advertising 1/2 dozen for $5.99. At Papa Joe's a dozen cost $5.99. I managed to consume 3 dozen and washed them down with 1 beer. After all, I has an almost 2 hour drive back to the condo so 1 beer was the limit. I sure hope the drought is eased soon. The Army Core of Engineers has restricted the amount of water that would normally drain into the Apalachicola River to conserve drinking water for Atlanta. The water restriction is already having an effect on the oysters and other bay fishes, a major concern for the locals whose lively hood is dependent on the health of this body of water. As a side note, the Apalachicola River is the dividing line for the Central and Eastern time zone on the Florida Panhandle. West of the river is the Central Time Zone.

The skies over the local beach have been distressingly quiet these past two weeks. The Air Force F-15 Raptor has been grounded because a recent plane crash in Mississippi was traced to a crack in the aileron. So the entire fleet of planes are grounded while maintenance crews strip the paint and carefully inspect these planes.

Gasoline has been dropping steadily since Thanksgiving on the Panhandle and today I saw major branded regular gas as low as 2.919 a gallon.

The Presidential election is slightly less than a year away and I am already sick of ALL of them.

I feel a need to be home for Christmas! Iwill be keeping a close eye on the weather up the route I 95 from Florida to Rhode Island.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Food Chain

My son and I were walking the beach early Thanksgiving morning. We stopped to chat with a fisherman who had two rods working. He is from north of Toronto and retired from the Canadian army after 28 years of service. He was a very affable person. While we were talking, he brought up the subject of sharks. He began a dissertation on the Bull Shark, a creature that prefers warm water and one that is prevalent off the gulf coast at certain times of the year and occasionally anytime. They are a very aggressive shark. He encouraged up to Google Bull Shark. I told him I try to swim almost everyday. With a big smile he told me as soon as you put your feet in the water you become part of the food chain. We all chuckled and Todd and I continued our walk.

Todd did Google the creature and we were quite amazed. Its the only shark that can survive in salt and fresh water. They have been found in the Great Lakes and over 2000 miles up the Amazon River.

To think my mother did not want me to come to Florida because of the Gators and snakes.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Four Things

I will take the challenge from my daughter

4 Jobs I had:

Paperboy
Super market "gofer" stack shelves, check out register, whatever
U S Navy Jet Mechanic
Computer Programmer


4 Movies I love to watch:

Pretty Woman
The Quiet Man
The African Queen
The Hunt For Red October

4 Places I have Lived:

Des Moines, Iowa (during WW II - I don't remember it)
Aboard the USS Saratoga
3rd floor apartment Pawtucket RI - first 3 years of marriage
Raised ranch North Providence, RI

4 TV Shows I enjoy:

Bones
Womans Murder Club
Saving Grace
Cold Case

4 Places I have been:

The top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Beirut before the troubles
Catapulted off an aircraft carrier in a Navy jet
Lafayette, Louisianna

4 Websites I visit daily:

Yahoo
Lighthousefriends
My Bank's homepage
ABC6

4 Favorite Foods:

A great steak with baked potato topped with butter and sour cream
BBQ ribs wet or dry rub - Memphis
Edy's slow churned chocolate chip ice cream
Greasey cheeseburger with mustard and raw onion

4 Places I'd rather be:

This is difficult as I am retired and I have the time and resouces to go where I want

Panama City Beach, FL in the winter
Rhode Island in the spring and fall
The coast of Maine in the summer
With any of my grandchildren without their parents

This is a conditional location - Australia if Hillary wins

4 Places I'd like to visit:

Take the day train from London to Edinbough
Cruise the Alaskan coast
Columbia River Gorge
West coast Lighthouses

Monday, November 26, 2007

The week that was

My son flew in on the Monday before Thanksgiving to spend a week with me. I picked him up at the Tallahassee airport. His plane was early. Perhaps Bush's opening the military air route was going to work. My son arrived with a bad cough, chest congestion and a notably downhearted attitude. By the time we arrived back at Panama City Beach, it was too late to get him any over the counter meds. Early the next morning while he was still sleeping I went and got cold pills and cough syrup.

Slowly over the next two days he started feeling better. He was also getting plenty of rest. We shopped for Thanksgiving dinner. We bought a 5 pound turkey breast. I conferred with my youngest daughter on cooking time. Fortunately there were instructions inside the wrapping with cooking time and temperature instructions. We had a great meal and he watched football all afternoon. He lamented on the fact that the condo did not have the NFL network for the evening game. I said a silent prayer thanking the condo association for not providing that channel. Thus I managed to get through another milestone. I was glad my son came.

On Friday he and I took a ride to DeFuniak Springs. Their claim to fame is a perfectly round lake. The center of town looks like a picture out of Norman Rockwell. Unfortunately, the local shops look like the Wal Mart on the main road leading into the area is siphoning all of the business from that area. The one shop that looked the busiest was a local new and used book store. We browsed for some time and we each made purchases. This store was a great favorite of my wife's. The two local restaurants were closed so we headed back to the condo.

Saturday, we headed to Tallahassee in early afternoon. My son had a 7 AM flight on Sunday morning, and I decided the best bet was to stay overnight in Tallahassee. We did go to the historic old capitol building. I wandered around out side taking pictures while he went inside. I was going to join him. We were late and they were closing so I did not get inside. I need to make a day trip and go back and take the tour.

Yesterday, we were up at 4:15 AM EST or 3:30 AM CST (my body is on CST). I tried to go back to the motel for more sleep, but I could not. It's odd but when I got back to the condo, I missed my son.

Last evening was the worse night I have had since I left home. I had a complete meltdown. I believe several thing contributed to my sense of dis pare. I was physically exhausted, I was channel surfing when I came upon the Anne of Green Gables series. This was a favorite of my wife and the reason she requested that we tour Prince Edward Island. I had also read my daughter's blog describing her feelings at a family birthday party. So I had a dreadful evening, feeling guilty and sad.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Apalachicola

Apalachicola is noted for its oysters. These oysters are among the best in the world. They are grown in the bay where the fresh water river empties. This combination results in a sweet fresh tasting oyster rather than a salty tasting oyster. The city of Atlanta is in serious trouble with fresh drinking water falling below 80 days supply. The Governor of Georgia petition the Army Core of Engineers to reduce the flow of water down the river that empties into the Apalachicola Bay. The oyster fishermen are looking at reduced crop yields as a result. The southeast desperately needs heavy prolonged rain.

Last Thursday I headed East to Apalachicola for oysters. I went to Papa Joe's which is slightly off the tourist path. Marie and I found this accidentally because it was on a side street when we were going to buy Tupelo Honey. As soon as the waitress came to the table, she mentioned that the oysters might be saltier. I ordered the first dozen. They came ice cold with minced horseradish on the side. A little dab of horseradish and a squirt of cocktail sauce and I was ready. Needless to say they were well worth the 160 mile round trip. Yes, a couple were salty, but they more than met my expectations. In fact I ordered a second dozen.

The cafe in the center of town is notable because a couple of scenes from Ulee's Gold was filmed there.

I am thankful that I seem to have found a sense of peacefulness here. I may be alone but I don't feel lonely.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Lafayette

This past weekend I went to Lafayette to get together with a group of Navy friends. Over 40 years ago we were best friends. Now we are more like brothers. I loved Lafayette. Everywhere we went a Cajun group was playing. There is a mournful sound to their singing, not that I could understand the Cajun French. We went to dinner and the band was playing. We went to breakfast and the band was playing. We went on a swamp tour and when I drove up and over the levee on a gravel path we viewed a large body of water. This is called Atchafalaya an Indian name meaning long river. The tour was not for another 90 minutes. We sat on the porch listening to the Cajun band. Some of us drank bloody marys, or beers. I was the designated driver so I stuck with diet coke. Norris was our tour guide and he gave us statistics on the size of the swamp which is created by the overflow of drainage from 31 states and 2 provinces of Canada. He would lapse from English to French as we had two visitors from France. At one point he slowed and slapped the side of the boat and upped pop the snout of an alligator. Norris promptly tossed a chunk of chicken to the gator. It was a great time with perfect weather.

We ended the day back at the hosts home. We told sea stories from years ago that get better with passing years while the ribs were grilling. I will go back to Lafayette before I head home in the spring. I think of the basket of sweet potato biscuits that accompanied breakfast at Prejeans and the music and dancing at Mulachs. Best of all I was with the people that have become part of my family.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Three miles

Today was notable for three things:

1) I went to morning mass at the local Catholic Church. First time since Marie's service. It was at 7 AM.


2) I made the three mile walk today in a fairly decent time.

3) The maintenance man for this building ran a wire into the unit and hooked up my computer to a black box (actually white) and I have high speed Internet. No more dial up. I won't cancel the dial up just yet. I am the A building beta test site and will periodically report my access and speed of connection to management.

Less notable, I read the owners manual and changed the clock in the car that was still set to Eastern daylight saving time, a two hour difference. It was a little chilly this morning. I'm still in short sleeves and shorts, but the noon anchor introduced the weatherman by saying it was COLD. By then it was hovering around 60 degrees with a light wind.

I am thankful for my three attentive children.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

First Milestone

One positive about being in an area with seniors skipping their native home winters is that you get to talk to folks in your age group. Granted most are about a decade older. I have spoken to a couple who have been through the alone thing and they mention that it takes a year. To get through the first birthday, holiday or whatever.

Today is the first milestone. It would be our 42ND wedding anniversary. I am doing OK. First my son called, then i opened a short but touching email from the youngest daughter. Then my brother in law John called.

I accomplished a task that may seem out of the ordinary for this milestone. I went to social security to apply for my wife's death benefit. I don't need the money, but it is a benefit that the government supplies ($255.00). She worked and they took a portion of her pay, so I wanted the money for her. When I arrived, I got a number and the ticket said approximate wait time 35 minutes. Now my family knows about my patients level. So, an hour later when I was called for the pre-interview, I was still calm. Then it was another 20 minutes for the final interview and completion of all paperwork. In about a month the money will be deposited. They were very kind and after 90 minutes I was able to walk out pleased that I did not leave without finishing.

I may be alone, but oddly, I am not lonely.

I am thankful that my family thinks about me and worries about me. I am pleased with me for sticking it out at social security.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Settling In

I took a good look at the pots and pans in the rented condo. All the frying pans (2) have peeling Teflon. Not good. There is no roasting pan and the toaster is damaged and only warms one side of the bread leaving the other side cool and un-toasted. Now I am not a fan of Wal-Mart but the folks that work at the local store are so pleasant unlike the ones in nearby Massachusetts to my Northern home.

I purchased a nice (made in USA) frying pan and a roasting pan. I also bought a cheap toaster. All of which, I will tote home in the spring. I miss my gas grill. I used that almost every night to cook. I am uncertain as to how long to cook chicken in the oven here. I will get that done.

I washed the car today. There is a nice spot with a water hose in a out of the way spot. I wanted to get the remaining bugs off the front and road grime from several states. I pulled the car into the carport which was not designed with this van in mind. I had to fold the drivers side mirror.

I did get a nice swim in the Gulf. The paper said the water temp is 76, but I believe it is less than that.

My daughter mentions something that she is thankful for each day. I am always thankful for family and friends. Today I am thankful that I have been able to concentrate for the last 3 days on a book I have been reading. Lately I have not been able to do that. I am also retaining what I have read. The book is "Flags of Our Fathers" by James Bradley.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Snow Bird

Yes, I realize that it's too early to be escaping a New England winter, but this year, I needed a change of scenery. I don't propose to blog everyday in November as my youngest daughter is doing. However, I plan on being more active. I left Rhode Island in late October and headed South. My first night was spent in Virginia Beach, VA for two reasons. I prefer not to drive the beltway around DC and I like the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and tunnel. I always stop on the scenic overlook. That day the water was angry and waves were breaking over the breakwater. I called my old Navy pal, Hugh (Tex) and he and his wife took me out to dinner. I always enjoy his and Samra's company. The following day, I stopped in Georgia and stayed with another old Navy pal and his wife. They were still suffering jet lag after their 16 day tour of Europe. It was a restful time with old friends. I particularly enjoyed the Southern buffet in Statesboro. It had been a while since I had collard greens and also a side of stewed tomatoes to go with the grilled chicken.

I arrived at the condo, November 1st. It was an uneventful drive from Georgia. The unit is very pleasant with a great bed. Now if I can only start sleeping longer. The only gripe I have is the refrigerator. It's old, noisy and missing a shelf. Fortunately I can't hear it in the bed room. The furniture is nice but a little low for me. I had twisted my back the day before I left and it is now fine. It was bothersome on the drive down. The only issue is my left hip. I hope the swimming and walking will do it some good.


I have been in the Gulf and the unheated pool swimming laps. I started out with two miles walking in the mornings and plan on being up to three miles by the 19Th of this month. Right now I want to build some stamina and improve my time.

Today, the Florida Ironman competition is taking place in Panama City Beach. I watched from my balcony as the 1100+ contestants hit the water this morning for the 2.4 mile swim. I did not see the bike part as it was out towards the west of the condo. I can see the marathon from the condo. I decided to stay put today. They should all be leaving tomorrow or Monday. They have clogged traffic since I arrived doing their training.

I have begun to psych myself up for next Friday's drive to Lafayette, LA. You see, I like to drive, but, I'm not sleeping well yet and I get groggy driving. Manuel is a good friend and he flew to Rhode Island for Marie's celebration, so I will go and stop often on the way. I started to research the lighthouses that would be easily accessable in New Orleans, but Katrina did them in. The others require chartering a boat or plane which I am not going to do.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Best Woman

"Best Woman" is a term that originated with my youngest daughter. She used it to describe my wife who was her "best woman" at her wedding.

Sandra, my wife's cousin, was our "best woman" 42 years ago. Sandra may be a cousin but they were more like sisters. They are about six months apart in age and their respective yards abutted for years until my wife's sister built her home in between. Sandra flew in from Denver to participate in our wedding.

Sandra's husband unexpectively passed away 23 days after my wife. After a couple of weeks, I called Sandra in the early evening. From my own experience, I knew that the time after dinner alone in the house was a hard time. Sandra and I talked that evening for about 45 minutes. We also picked a day where I would drive to her home (110 miles away) and we would have lunch. I brought picture albums and two more pair of Monet clip earrings for Sandra. Marie and Sandra are the only two women I know who never pierced their ears. Sandra was delighted when I originally gave her over 30 pair. It seems that their one time "girl talk" centered on the wonderful attributes of the Monet clip earring. Sandra made a delightful soup with a Panera bread. We looked at the pictures, laughted a lot and maybe got a little weepy too. It was a delightful day and I headed back to Rhode Island hoping I brightened our "best woman's" day. I know I was glad I went.

It's going to take time, but Sandra and I will heal and she will always be Marie's "best woman".

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Medicare - Tilting at Windmills

I was pushed into retirement four years ago as my company was cutting costs and trying to increase profits. In hindsight I was very fortunate. The package was generous, I had turned 62 a week earlier, and my son looked at my finances and told me I would never have to work again if I did not want too. Two weeks later, my wife found her lump and we began what was going to only be a four year battle with cancer. Part of the package was a buy into the company medical plan for the two of us. A year ago when I turned 65, my wife went on a single plan through the company until she turned 65 or 18 months whichever came first. The cancer came back with a vengeance this past December. My wife turned 65 in July so Medicare B kicked in July 1st. Medicare A kicked in when MS caused her to be disabled a number of years ago. The company carried her until July 31st. The Medi-gap policy when into effect August 1st.

Herein was the problem, when the hospital and the nursing home billed Medicare, Medicare said Blue Cross was primary and of course Blue Cross said Medicare was primary. Both billing parties called me. I then began my quest with Medicare Coordination of Benefits. The first person who answered said I must put my wife on the phone to authorize me to speak for her. I explained that she passed away. She said, "I don't know that, I must protect her privacy". I was told that I would have to fax in a death certificate. I did that the same day and wait a couple of business days. So I did and got another person who once again said, I don't see a death certificate. I sent it. well it takes several days for it to be entered. I told her that the government could listen to my phone calls without a warrant, delve into my Internet wanderings and invade my privacy, but you won't help me clear this payment issue up. That's right. So I waited and called several days later and this time a wonderful woman answered. I explained my situation, she told me that the death certificate was not entered yet but she could help. She said she could see that the monthly social security benefits were stopped and that she had a different view of the privacy laws. She then asked a few questions and I listened while she keyed for several minutes. She finished by telling me she was sorry for my loss, and that I could tell the hospital and nursing home to wait 15 days and resubmit and that medicare was now primary and the bills would be paid. I told her she was an angel and a burden had been lifted off my shoulders.

Direct TV

When my wife went into the nursing home, the staff person directed me to Direct TV as the recommended supplier. I wanted to be able to have a connection for my wife to watch or listen to her beloved Red Sox. When I called, I made it quite clear that this was a month or two connection, three months if I was lucky while my wife was in the nursing home. At no time did this person tell me that I needed to commit to a year contract. The installer came, said nothing and left no paper work. I was quoted a monthly cost of $41.00. I cared not that the invoice was for $61.00 as my wife was slowly slipping away from me. In less than 30 days my wife lost her battle with cancer. I called to cancel the service and was told by a less than diplomatic man that I was obligated to pay a year fee for the converter. I explained the reason for the cancellation and that this was a nursing home, etc. Well he said you will be billed. Shortly thereafter, I received the invoice. Once again I called, and this time I encountered a more sympathetic person, who directed me to sent a copy of the bill and a copy of the death certificate to an address in Colorado. I did this immediately two weeks ago.

You can imagine my ire when I discovered Direct TV charged my credit card for the full amount. I then sent an email to my entire address book detailing my feelings regarding Direct TV. To add insult to injury, yesterday, I received a notice that if I did not pay immediately I would be charged $5.00 late fee. I immediately called, was on hold for 10 minutes, and fortunately was answered by a kind person. After listening to me tell her what I thought of her greedy unethical corporation, I did tell I realized she was a telebank operator, and irate people like me never get to talk to real management. She did tell me that the paperwork I sent may take 6 to 8 weeks to be entered into the system and that I "probably" will be refunded.

Time will tell. However, if I ever move to an area where it is Direct TV or nothing....It will be nothing, even if they give me back the money.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Alone

I am in my mid sixties and for the first time in my life, I am living alone. Cancer robbed me of the great love of my life a few weeks ago. I am fortunate that I am surrounded by memories and my dedicated children and their families. I am also blessed with a caring niece and my wife's cousin.

I have forced myself to cook fairly balanced meals and only occasionally have forgotten my meds. I read the paper when I go out for breakfast, that way I don't feel alone. I see several other men in my age group doing the same thing. Dinner out means sitting at the bar in the restaurant. They always have a TV on and the bar tender will almost always chat with the patrons at the bar. Very few introverts become bar tenders.

When I was working, I was required to travel to Europe and I was usually gone at least two weeks. I hated the travel as I was away from my family, but I knew it was a limited situation.

Now, I am alone in 9 rooms. I have decided that I will not make any sudden changes that I might regret in a year or two. The house will not be sold at least for the next year or two. I have seen apartment living and it does not appeal to me. My yard is filled with flowers and flowering trees and bushes. They were all planted by me at Marie's request. I feel the need to tend them a while longer. As sick as she was, she would ask me every day if her Rose of Sharon had bloomed. As soon as it did I brought the pictures to show her. All the blooms died the day after she passed.

Evening are the hardest time. I do not have the patients or concentration to watch much TV. I tape everything and then will watch the programs in short segments, stopping and returning when I feel like it.

I know this feeling will pass in time. Marie told me that I would be OK, and I will be.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Pissed

Last December my wife and I were told that her breast cancer had metastasized to her liver and lymph nodes in her chest after three good years. Three times I told the doctor that everyone I knew with liver cancer died in 6 months. No! No this is different, it's breast cancer not liver cancer. Cancel your trip to Florida, we will begin weekly treatments here and next winter you can continue in Florida.

So began the slow torture. For my wife it was the ache in all her bones caused by Herceptin, her appetite started to wane from nasea caused by Navelbien. Weekly that brave and determined woman went for her infusion of poison. After 10 weeks, another scan and the cancer continued to progress unchecked. "Oh" they said," we have another plan." We' ll couple Doxile with the Herceptin. 10 weeks later, another scan and the cancer progressed. I questioned the doctor about her weight loss. It was another person who gave her a so called appetite stimulant which did not work. Yet they had another plan involving 11 large pills a day. A combination of Tykerb and Xeloda. I believe the Tykerb may have stopped the progress in the liver. Every time I inquired about stopping, I was met with a harsh tone that it was always our right to stop treatment and indescribable body language suggesting that we were crazy.

On July 5th, my wife collapsed and was transported to the hospital with a high fever. At one point they were dosing her with 6 different antibiotics daily. Doctors of all disiplines poked, prodded, tested, and scaned looking for the source of the fever. I was told three different reasons for the fever. They finally broke the fever, and I was told once the fever is gone for 48 hours she must be discharged. She could no longer walk having lost over 40 pounds. A well meaning social worker gave me a list of nursing homes. I already knew where I wanted her to go. The ever hopeful (lying ass) doctor said, go, rehab, gain weight and we will start another plan. I had already been told that all the various chemos had damaged her heart.

Daily I watched my wife slip away. Her temperature came back. I don't think they really knew what caused the fever. The nursing home asked me what I wanted for my wife. I wanted her not to be in pain. The nursing home was fantastic.

On August 5th my sweet brave wife passed away. I left a message asking that the lead doctor call me. I said I had one brief question. I have not heard from him yet.

What happened? Why were we told that the treatments to control the cancer could happen in Florida next winter. They tried so many different combinations, I wonder if they were experimenting. They took away her quality of life and if it was hopeless and they knew it, I should have been told!

I am pissed!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Am I losing it?

On June 18Th I wrote two checks. One for Marie's first month on the Medicare part D for script coverage. The second for my monthly Blue Cross Medi-gap coverage. One was mailed to Kentucky, and mine was mailed locally. On June 20Th I received a letter from the local Blue Cross office stating that no check was received in the envelope. Did I put both checks in the envelope to Kentucky? Did I forget to write that check? Am I losing all powers of concentration as I care for my wife as she fights illness? All these questions nagged at me. I called them and they assured me that they are careful and no error could have occurred on their part. I decided not to put a stop payment on the check. I was not going to pay a fee to the bank. No one but Blue Cross could cash it. I would, therefore wait until the end of the month (after social security arrived) to re-write a check.

Almost every morning, while I wait for Marie to awake, I check credit card transactions and my checking account. This morning I discovered that the missing check cleared during the night. I called Blue Cross to insure that my account was properly credited and the phone was answered by a friendly voice who readily checked and verified my account was up to date. That is when I related my story and the letter. Then the tone became defensively polite.

I knew I wrote the check and sent it in the proper envelope. Vindication is mine!

Monday, June 25, 2007

An Act of Kindness

My medical plan offers a mail order script program. We get three months quantity and pay two months co-pay. This over time generates some savings. The company also offers an over the counter selection. My wife and I like their Senior Vitamin brand and have been using it for the last few years. Recently, I ordered another bottle of vitamins. I received notification that the order was received, saw that my credit card had been charged, but never received shipping notification. I made a mental note to call and check, but never did as I have more important things on my mind.

Last Wednesday, I received a phone call and a woman in haltingly English with a heavy oriental accent, asked me if I was so and so. Yes, I replied why do you ask? She replied" I have your vitamins, I mail to you". I told her she was very sweet and caring but should not have to use her money to fix a corporation error. I told her I would call the company and they would sent me another and she could keep the vitamins. I asked where she was calling from? Long Beach, California. Once again I told her to keep the vitamins. I called the company and they told me a replacement had been shipped UPS, and they did not know where the first shipment was. Last Friday, I received the vitamins from Long Beach in the mail, an hour later, UPS delivered the second bottle.

I am very impressed with the kind lady in Long Beach. Sunday, I went and bought a mailer. I retired from a well known pen manufacturer. Wednesday, a very nice pen will be on its way to Long Beach. An act of kindness brightened our day.

Friday, June 08, 2007

No regrets

I have been thinking about the decisions that were made by me over the years. Some I made, some were made for me, and others occurred because of my actions. After a lot of reflection there is only one thing I would change (if the Gods would let me). That will be saved for later.

The first decision made by my father for me was that I would attend Catholic grade school. I believe that the biggest misnomer in the world is "Sisters of Mercy". The second major decision he made was I would be an altar boy. So he was 50 - 50 on those two. If you have read earlier writings, you know I enjoyed the altar boy years. The next major decision was high school and the first time I ever said no to my father. He wanted Lasalle a Catholic High School. I was sick of Irish nuns smacking me and damn sure did not want Irish Brothers doing it. I had / have a flippant mouth.

I liked high school, it was mostly Jewish and Italian kids and we were all nerds. 99.99 % of the graduates went to college. My class produced over 40 doctors and almost as many lawyers. I was good in Math and my father had three engineering degrees. It was decreed! I would be an Engineer. It was not me who filled out the application, I just signed where he told me too. I wanted to take a year off before college. He could not understand my not wanting to be an Engineer. He bought me the best slide rule money could buy. It cost over $300. in 1959. It had a genuine leather case. I took the courses he picked out. I was also told that I would go ROTC, that way he would not have to pay for the last two years. That first semester taught me two things, I did not like the Army and I hated Engineering. Back then URI had Saturday classes. I had an 8 AM Phys ed class which explains why I flunked it. I was usually too hung over or still drunk so I never went on Saturday. Finally I just never went the other days. I did manage to do C or better in the rest. There was no way I would return to Engineering for the second semester. I wanted to change to Business. No way will I pay for that, he stated. Christmas 1959 was a difficult time in the household. This was the second major time that I refused his direction.
Three days before the second semester started, I joined the Navy. I was guaranteed a school and I picked three from Naval Aviation. Sounded glamorous to me, more importantly, I was free. Dad told me that I just ruined my life.

I ended up in a sea going squadron attached to USS Saratoga a then four year old aircraft carrier. I was lucky, I flew aboard to join my squadron. I stayed in the same unit for the rest of my enlistment. I grew up on that flight deck. I made the closest and dearest friends of my life and I am still in contact with some of them. It was the most exciting and dangerous place I've ever been. I worked 5 PM to 5 AM. I loved it. My wife refers to those years as the best four years of my life. I visited the major ports in the Med, climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa when I was 19, saw some of the best art museums in Europe. I was on the Cuban Blockade., I was sent temporary duty in the hills of Greece with the Greek Air Force. Cannes in the summertime...priceless. Two Christmas Eve's in Cannes also very nice. I made rank quickly, E5 in less than 30 months. I started thinking about a career in the Navy. I was never home sick. There was nothing I wanted in Rhode Island.

Then I tangled with the Jacksonville Police. What should have been a harmless traffic stop, turned ugly, when one cop said to the other dummy, well we got a swabie, and look he's a Yankee to boot. I was not drunk, but had been drinking. I got shoved against my car, and I shoved back. I think I mentioned the two of them together did not have an IQ that matched my weight. (130 back then). Of course I went to jail for the weekend. It was a maturing experience, I was pushed around by the dummies in the station. I pleaded no contest to a DUI and the shoving and whatever else on both sides was dropped. Mom and Dad sent the money and I was released sadder but probably no wiser. The Navy took a stripe and all thoughts of a career ended. From that point on, I was doing time waiting for the discharge. Hence when discharged, I came back to Rhode Island and met my wife a few months later. If I had stayed in college and ROTC, I would have graduated with a commission in the US Army and would very probably have served in Nam. Funny how some things work out.

I started college at nights, planning on switching to days in a year. Marriage and children changed the plan. Seven years later, I received my degree in Business. I asked my Dad to come to graduation. He asked if I was getting a degree in Engineering. I said you know I'm not, then he told me he was busy that day. Four years later I received my MBA. I had made the decision that my children would see their grandparents often. I did not want to have regrets when they passed on. I also wanted my kids to know their Grandparents. This is a decision I do not regret. My dad never made it easy, I was not qualified to even put a quart of oil in his car when he no longer could. I just smiled at him. He once told me how surprised he was that I could support my family as well as I could, not being an Engineer. I just smiled at him.

My children - I wanted four daughters before I got married. Once my wife was pregnant, it changed to just healthy baby. First a daughter, then 3 1/2 years later a boy. That second pregnancy took a lot out of my wife. The doctor commented that we had one of each, and maybe we should be satisfied. Nope, my wife said she would not be fulfilled until she had a third. I had no say, hell if she wanted 5 or 6, I would have said yes. I'm not good at saying no to her. I came home from work about 2 1/2 years later and she announced that she was expecting and wanted an air conditioned station wagon. that night we ordered the biggest Ford Country Squire made. My third and second daughter arrived. Then the doctor told me that one more and I might raise them alone. My wife was fulfilled, therefore I was also. I adore my wife and children. I love each and every grandchild and I am constantly amazed at how unique each one is, yet I am part of them.

If I could go back and change one thing, I would never have started smoking. Quitting was the hardest thing I ever did . . . several times until I got it done. I'm glad I got busted in the Navy, I might have never met the love of my life and created this great family.

Yes, I omitted some things ... good and bad. This is not a life story. I have no regrets.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Pay Phones

I was asked to sit with my two grandsons while my youngest and her husband visited with a doctor. I started reading one of the children books left in the back pack in the hopes that I could be successful in amusing the boys. The second book was about a dog accused of kidnapping two cats. Well one page had a picture of a pay phone with the receiver hanging by the cord. "what's that?" Well it's a pay phone. I could tell by his young face that I would have to do better than that. Well, long ago before cell phones, pay phones were strategically located through out the country. "What's strategic?" Hmm this could be going better... wonder how soon mom will be done. Well strategic means places where lots of people will pass by and need to use a phone to call someone. I could see several people smiling and watching me explain this to a five year old who needs to know everything. You see, Vaughan, people did not have cell phones, so they would pick up the pay phone and press it to their ear, put coins in the slot and then they could dial a number and talk to someone. Now that almost every body have cell phones, the phone company removed them because they weren't being used. Vaughan said, " I remember seeing one". Well they are still located in airports, bus and train stations, but not on street corners anymore. He nodded his head. Whew, that's done. Mom and dad appeared a few minutes later. The boys had been patient for 50 minutes and they were starting to get antsy. I looked at Vaughan and said your bored. Yes, I am. A few minutes later, when mom appeared she asked if they were good, before I could answer, Vaughan said we're bored. I told her that they were good. Its not easy to sit in a waiting room for an hour without running off youthful energy.

I hope I'm asked to sit again.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Donald William Cors

Donnie was a Plane Captain working the night shift aboard the USS Saratoga. We were close friends. We worked the same shift as Plane Captains of the A4D Skyhawk attached to VA 36. We slept in the same berthing area, we played polka in the same games. We hit the beach together. This was our last cruise as both of us would be discharged before the next cruise. Donnie is in my thoughts often and especially today as we honor veterans.

Donnie was killed on the flight deck one miserable night. It was late in the cruise, there was a storm close by. The sea was such that the Sara was bouncing more than usual. The flights are on a schedule, you launch a group and then immediately recover the previous launch. The fuel loads in the planes require precision. That night it was so dark that you could not see the outline of your hand against the night sky. My plane was in normal maintenance on the hangar deck. I would go up on the flight deck during recovery and help with the servicing of the recovered planes, and then return to the hangar deck to be with my plane if it needed to be moved. The last launch was running late. The deck was heaving more than usual. The returning planes were circling the ship, many in trouble with low fuel. The decision was made to scrap the launch and pull the planes forward to prepare to recover the planes aloft. Donnie was with his plane on the aft catapults. The Air Boss apparently gave permission to a plane from VF 31 to land. The plane came in and landed on the planes on the aft cats. I was standing in the hangar looking out at the sea when I saw a massive ball of flame and heard the crash. The ship immediately went to general quarters. My GQ station was my plane. A number of burning planes were pushed over the side into the sea. I was standing near the elevator when they brought Donnie down on the stretcher. I did not realize that he had already died, he looked so peaceful. Apparently the wheel of the landing plane hit him and he died instantly. Donnie died serving his country. There was not a declared war, we were just part of the normal show of force in the Mediterranean as part of the "chess" game played during the "Cold War". His name is not on any wall. Donnie, I think of you often, and especially today.

A board of inquiry was held and although the Air Boss tried to blame the enlisted radioman, the audio tapes proved he had given permission to the plane to land. He was relieved of his duties and left the ship soon after. Two other flight deck workers were killed that night.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

My thoughts on energy

I am, by no means, not an expert on why energy is so costly. I do, however, have some thoughts on why.

First, usually at this time of year some refinery capacity is off line for maintenance. Right now there is four times the normal capacity off line, further reducing the available gasoline at a time when gas demand rises. High demand - limited supply equals higher prices. There have been no new refineries build in the US since the 1970's. Have there been proposals...yes. The ecology folks rise up to oppose, the local citizens don't want a refinery in their back yard. I suspect that it would be a costly fight to get approval. My opinion on this is partially shaped on the current pissing contest going on over the proposal to expand the natural gas terminal on the Taunton River between Fall River and Somerset, Massachusetts. One of these years, we will have a harsh winter and the same folks will want to know why they may not have sufficient supplies to keep warm. This past winter there was a delay in getting a propane tankers into the Providence port. Some rural folks were affected, and some ran out.

I certainly have no answers. I do know that I will pay the piper for the gas I need.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

INFLATE THOSE TIRES....

Every time the price of gas rises to a new high, the local news stations and the spokesman for AAA tell us to inflate our tires, change the air filter, tune up the car. Yeah right!

For once I would like the news anchor to tell drivers to be considerate. If you are first in line at a red light PAY ATTENTION! Don't sit there dialing your phone or fixing your hair in the mirror or whatever else you are doing when the light turns green. Every car behind you is idling away gas. Use your signals, if you are going to make a left turn...SIGNAL. Maybe I can make my turn and be on my way. The news anchors will never say these things because they may antagonize a listener and lose ratings.

Another item on my rant...they keep saying that people have not cut back on their driving. Why should we? I notice that NASCAR and the Indy 500 are going to run their races. The presidential candidates fly all over the country in chartered planes. No sporting event has been cancelled because of the high gas prices. Public transportation (save a few cities) is poor. I do feel badly for the working men and women who are on the lower end of the pay scale. The price of gas sucks up a significantly higher percentage of their income than the high end earners.

Many years ago when the first crunch occurred (1973) I was in my MBA program when the instructor asked how high we thought gas would be. I was the only one who guessed over 50 cents. I said I would see $2.00 in my lifetime. I also said I would never pay over $10,000. for a car. Oh well!

As for me, I will pay whatever it takes to get my Marie to her weekly treatments. I am planning a weeks trip to Michigan in August. I have budgeted $4.50 gallon.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Itchy Feet

I have always had an urge to travel ... be on the move. When I was in the seventh grade, an eight grader took off and hitch hiked to Miami from Rhode Island. When he was found and returned , he became an unlikely hero with his stories of the adventure. I was not as daring and also not willing to incur my fathers ire. As soon as school was finished I planned my "adventure". We as a family often went to visit my mother's sister near Hartford, Ct. I knew route 44 ran from my home town deep into Connecticut. It was not unusual for my brother and I to spend summer days out of the house until supper time. I decided I would hitch hike to Hartford and back. I happily accepted rides and stayed with them until they turned off the route. I easily made the outskirts of Hartford in less than three hours. Then I crossed over and hitched back to Greenville. I had interesting conversations with the people who picked me up, and had to assure more than one driver that I was not running away. I did make it home before supper and no one was ever the wiser. When I got my drivers license and my own car, it was not uncommon for me to drive a few hundred miles in a day.

These itchy feet and and a keen hatred of a slide rule and engineering classes resulted in my dropping out of college after one semester and joining the U. S. Navy. I still have the slide rule (somewhere) as it was the very best that my Dad could buy. Bamboo, I believe as I was told they were the best, in a black leather case. My mom gave it back to me after my Dad passed. I have been told that it is a collector item. I won't sell it but I don't want to look at it.

I easily passed the test and was guaranteed a service school. I ended in Jet Mechanic school, my second choice. My eyes were not up to snuff for Air Traffic Controller. I was lucky that way, Reagan probably would have fired me, and I ended up in a sea going squadron. My school was in Memphis, Tennessee and I was there for the annual Cotton Carnival. Great party! It was also my first exposure to segregation (summer 1960). I also kind of met Elvis Presley. Often he would hold court in his drive way in his convertible. As you can imagine there would be lots of girls. Several of us were there in our sailor suits, and he spoke to us and asked what we were doing, and one of the guys responded "hoping for overflow". He chuckled.

I was flown over seas to catch my squadron. After a few weeks stuck on a NATO base in Morrocco (another story) I was flown aboard The U S S Saratoga. A carrier landing ... I was on a natural high. I loved being out at sea. I became a plane captain and worked the night shift on the flight deck for the best part of 3 Mediterranean Cruises and several more Caribbean carrier qualifications. (New pilots getting their carrier certification) Before I was twenty, I had climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa, visited great art museums in several countries, attended a bull fight in Barcelona. It was not all cultural, I loved the drinking and the women. By the time my enlistment was up, I had been part of the Cuban blockade, I had been part of a group that lived in the hills of Greece while some of our pilots worked with the Greek Air Force. I've seen the monkees of Gibralter. I have memories! I made the best and dearest friends of my life. I am still close to several of them. My wife refers to those years as the "best four years of my life". Yes ,I was young and free and invincible and blessed with outstanding buddies.

I have had great adventures since. I've always tried to travel with the family. My children have all been to Europe. Either with me or on their own.

My wife and I always did rode trips. Marie does not do boats ... no way ever! Marie was a big fan of Anne of Green Gables. She saw that a bridge had been completed to Prince Edward Island and mentioned it to me. That was the destination of my next vacation. It is a beautiful place. The lighthouses, the red soil, the Anne places. We did it all. We have been to some great places, the Rockies, the Badlands, Yellowstone and all the attractions in that area.

With Marie's current ongoing battle with cancer, I have used the Internet to satisfy my itchy feet. I have visited the web sites for a number of National Parks that we have yet to visit. Marie wants to see Brice Canyon and Needles National Parks. I want to do the Columbia River Gorge and associated Lewis and Clark sites on the west coast. Number one on the list when Marie is healthy, will be to Folkston, Georgia. The Folkston Funnel is a train watchers paradise.
www.folkston.com/trains/trains Marie loves trains. We were going to stop there on our way to Florida last December. This will be our next trip together.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Father Mac

Just before my eighth birthday, my father decreed that I would become an altar boy and he signed me up for the summer training session. Thus I embarked on one of the greatest experiences of my young life. The parish priest was Father Joseph P. McNamara. He was a man's man. He was a bird colonel in the U S Army Chaplin Core during WW II. He insisted that he serve with the men on the front lines as he felt he could not comfort them well behind the line of combat. He has long ago gone to his Heavenly reward. I'm not sure why I have been thinking of him lately....but I have. Father Mac always wore highly shined black high top army boots. In the nine plus years that I was an altar boy, I never saw him wear low cut shoes. Most of the boys my age only stayed for a few years. There was another altar boy who began a year or so after me who also stayed well into high school. We were the altar boys for the Sunday 9:30 AM mass. I knew the Latin mass inside and out. It was more than memorization. I knew the priests words and the English counterpart as well as my responses. I was pleased when the Bishop requested me for one of his masses. I often was specifically requested to serve weddings and funerals.

I believe I stayed that long because of Father Mac. I remember in 1955, Father Mac said to me that he did not know what the world was coming too. When I asked what was the problem, he told me that Buick was no longer offering a standard transmission. Father Mac always drove a black Buick with a dark blue interior and a standard transmission.

Father Guertin was the Chaplin at the Catholic orphanage nearby. Occasionally he would say the weekday morning mass. One particular morning after a record 18 minute mass, I commented that he lost me early on. There was more French than Latin. About 3 minutes into the mass, I gave up trying to respond and was happy I was ready with the water and wine when he was. Because of my longevity, I was able to occasionally comment on their abbreviated masses.

One time Father Mac came to the house when he was doing a parish census. My parents were having a new rug installed. When Father Mac walked in, the installer immediately knelt and asked for a blessing. After Father Mac left, he explained that Father Mac was the Chaplin for his unit when he was in combat in Europe during the war and how much he was respected.

I also had my own cassock and blouse for mass. My mom wanted me in a freshly washed and starched altar outfit. As I grew, they always made sure to keep me in a properly fitted one.


I left the altar boys just about my 17th birthday. I know Father Mac was sorry to see me leave, but he understood that I felt it was time for me to move on. My father did not.

Years later when the horrible news surfaced about priests and altar boys, my father asked me if I was exposed to any of that. Absolutely not! My priests that I served were fantastic role models who treated us with great respect.

I will always remember Father Mac.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Poached Eggs ... EGAD

Marie continues to receive distressing news. The breast cancer has now metastasized to several locations on her spine. Fortunately the spinal cord is not affected. This was communicated to us last Friday. This morning I believe the enormity of the situation affected her normally high spirits. She lay in bed in a "woe is me" state for awhile before getting up. I feel she is allowed her "weepy" days.

Shortly after getting up, while she was sipping her tea, she asked if I could make two poached eggs. I, of course, said sure. He who never made or ate a poached egg in his life. Let me start by relating my history with eggs. I'm sure my mother would have made me any type of egg to entice me to eat. I was a very picky eater and always under weight. In my 18th year, I dropped out of Engineering College to join the Navy. The Navy did not care if I was a picky eater. I soon learned to eat the eggs presented as long as they were warm and looked cooked. Shortly after our return from our honeymoon, Marie was making breakfast when she moaned "oh no". Whats wrong... the egg broke. I told her cook it, I'll eat it. The Navy cook never cared if my eggs were broken. Years later, Marie had taken a part time job, and I was cooking eggs and bacon for the children. Well, I cooked the eggs in the bacon grease (only one pan to wash). The kids in a loud voice exclaimed that Mom never makes "dirty eggs". I think I gave them a flip remark that they could eat or go hungry. No kid ever starves to death in a house with food. Every so often I still hear a comment about dirty eggs.

I asked Marie for some guidance. How much of a rolling boil, about how many minutes? I wish to report that Marie said they were good and within 30 seconds of being perfect. I carefully observed the water and the stove setting along with the timer. I'm sure they will be perfect next time. Now I'll have to work on the technique of getting them to slide out of the little cup. The eggs ended upside down. Along with a slice of toast, Marie had a good sized breakfast for her. With a full stomach and a hot shower, her positive attitude and good spirits are back.

We are determined to stick with the program. We have our sights set on at least a couple of weeks in Florida next January.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Ahh Spring

Spring in New England can be a great time of year. The yard comes alive with the flowers that signify that winter is behind us. Spring has been a hard get this year. It was colder on Easter Sunday than it was on last Christmas day. Recently we have had a few days of decent weather. The crocus have blossomed along with the daffodils. The forsythia has turned a beautiful shade of yellow. The Lilacs have begun to sprout buds and the white lilac will be very full this year.

More importantly, Marie is feeling better. She started the new chemo April 10Th. This seems to have been a positive measure in her ongoing battle with metathesized breast cancer. She looks much better than she did 5 weeks ago and her appetite has shown a little improvement. She needs to start gaining some weight. She has always been thin, but the loss of 22 pounds has been a major concern. A good sign is that she is starting to request certain foods.

With the advent of warmer weather, I have uncovered the gas grill on the deck. I have been grilling almost every evening varying the menu selection to entice her to eat more. Her spirits remain positive and today we told the Oncologists that we are hoping for 3 or 4 weeks off from the weekly treatments next January. We may never get to spend the entire winter in Florida again, but several weeks in January would break up winter nicely. So hope springs eternal and we are hanging our hat on that objective.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

IMUS

I am a big fan of Don Imus. Granted you either like him or you don't. There is very little ground in between. He has a knack for rubbing people raw. He also does a lot of good. He used his show to shame congress into raising the death benefit for soldiers from $12,000 to $250,000. He has raised money for a number of causes.

Recently he said a dumb thing while he was bantering back and forth with Bernard, his producer. Both of them are prone to use sophomoric humor. This time Imus stepped over the line, and uttered a remark repulsive to the Rutgers woman's basketball team members and offensive to the Black community. When he said it, I knew he stepped in dog s%@t. Do I think he is a racist....no! Along time ago when a member of management in the Los Angeles Dodger organization said black players had great skills on the field, but not the mental skills to manage, he was fired. At that time, someone said media people are one sentence away from being fired. The usual band of "offended" black leaders (Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton) are getting their face time calling for his firing, demanding that sponsors leave his show or they will have their product boycotted.

Imus said a dumb and hurtful thing. However, I wonder if this had been a team of blond white girls and a black radio personality had referred to them as "dumb blond hoes" if there would have been a hue and cry. I can't think of a white counterpart to Jesse Jackson to lead protests.

My final thought, the three young men from Duke who were vilified by the same outraged black leaders over a year ago, have been cleared. We may never know who mistreated that woman, but it was not the Duke Lacrosse team. I wonder if Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton will apologize for what they said back then about these young men. I doubt it.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Easter Egg Hunt

Shortly after we moved into our new home in 1968, I planted a Catalpa tree. This was a tree that was originally indigenous to the Smokey Mountains and somehow found its way to New England. My dad had four at one time on his property. The tree is more commonly known as an Indian Cigar tree. This is a fast growing tree with a large heart shaped leaf. Most people do not like them because they are considered a dirty tree. They are a marvelous shade tree. In the late spring after the leaves have developed they bloom with pretty white flowers. As a young boy, we would pluck the flowers and pull out the little insides and suck them. They had a very pleasant honey taste. When the flowers drop the whole area becomes snow white for a very short time. Then they shrivel and turn a ugly yellow - orange. The fruit (if you will) of these flowers are long green thin cigar shaped things. The insides are a stringy kind of soft fiber. When I was nine, I got good and sick trying to smoke one. In the fall the leaves turn black and drop. You can't rake them because they crumple. If they land on a roof they will stain the roof black. Then the cigars die and turn a deep brown and split in two. They do not drop. The winter wind will carry them off the tree. So far in preparation of my grand children's Easter Egg Hunt, I have filled 10 large trash barrels with these cigars. I bet my three closest neighbors have another 2 or 3 barrels worth in their yards. I finished the raking today. Even on a hot summer day I can sit under my tree and be cool. It's worth it to me.

I have two bird feeders that provide great enjoyment to my ailing wife. I have probably used over 200 pounds of seed this winter. Today I used my wet / dry vac to vacuum under the feeders to suck up the shells. I filled a 10 gallon vac, emptied it and it is probably half full again. I finally quit when the wind chill started to bite through my jacket.

Now, all I have left to do is distribute the eggs around the yard and hope the few cigars still clinging to the tree either stay there or land next door. Also, I told Marie the birds are on their own until Monday, then I will fill the feeders.

Stephan

Stephan is my closest neighbor's grandson. He is one of Jerry's MD kids. Stephan's most remarkable trait is his personality. Stephan is always smiling and happy. He has been in a wheel chair for at least half of his 14 years. His spine started growing with a curve and it was pressing on his lungs. On Tuesday, Stephan endured a 14 hour operation to straighten his spine. Over 40 screws were used to complete the straighting of his spine along with materials to support the spine. He was able to wiggle his toes and move his arms shortly after he awoke. This is a good sign that no inadvertent damage was done during the surgery. The problem is that they are having difficulty controlling his blood pressure as it keeps dropping. Until they can stabilize the blood pressure, Stephan can not have any pain killers. His grandmother tells me that he is still good natured and has not complained about the pain. The hospital staff is amazed at how he is handling the pain that he most certainly experiencing.

Stephan is in our thoughts and prayers.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Sadie

Sadie is a most remarkable dog. Years ago when my son and his wife bought their house, they went to the pound and picked this dog.According to the vet, she is mostly German Shepperd with a little wolf ... maybe ... because of the eyes. Once she knows you are a friend, you are most welcome in the house. Immediately she started sleeping in the hall way outside the master bedroom.

When the twins were born, my son took the little hats home for Sadie to smell. The day the twins came home, Sadie started sleeping outside their room at night. The next day Marie and I went to visit. The twins were asleep in a Pack and Play thing (new to my generation). As I walked toward the Pack and Play, Sadie quietly walked between me and them so I could not approach them. Once my son told her it was OK, she moved out of the way. If one started to cry Sadie would go to an adult and she would emit a soft sound. They needed attention and she wanted to make sure they received it.

One morning my son walked out of his bedroom and wondered where Sadie had slept. When he came down the stairs, Sadie was laying in front of the door. No one had locked it the night before.

Usually when Marie or I walk in the house, Sadie comes looking for a dog biscuit. My son and his wife are disolving the marriage and he started the move today to his apartment. I had the biscuit ready. Sadie looked at me with the saddest eyes, her head was down and no wagging tail. She took the biscuit, but did not eat it. It just laid where she put it. Poor Sadie! I know she knows and she is sad.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Care giver

I have (willingly) become the main care giver for my wife as she battles the return of cancer. She is doubly challenged as she also lives with MS. The treatments have caused, at times, immense body ache.

I have become adept at several new skills and been humbled by what must (or should be) simple tasks. I'll start with my failures:

I CAN NOT twist a Thomas English muffin and get it to separate. The birds benefited from several tries. I threw in the towel! I now cut them with a bread knife. This has two benefits, I am not frustrated and I can cut it so 1/2 is thicker. Marie will only eat a half as her appetite is poor. At least it is a thick half.

I don't seem to have the knack for expertly loading the dish washer. It seems like I should get more in for each load. I seem to do more lodes than she did. Maybe I should hand wash some things. I will use machines to ease my work load.

For years I have always been disgusted by the sight of a wet tea bag ... don't know why but I am. I also dislike the smell of tea. Marie's morning routine is a cup of tea with a half teaspoon of honey and two (only) ice cubes. Marie has told me that the tea is the proper color...not too dark and definitely can't be too light. This balance has not come easily. I hate it when that little paper on the end of the string falls off and the string slides into the cup as I pour the water in the cup.

Menu selection is a constant struggle. I give credit to all those housewives who prepare dinner everyday with variety and nutritional value. It ain't easy. I am on a first name basis with the ladies behind the meat counter at the local meat market. They willingly pass on cooking tips and always ask about Marie. Even the local fishmonger has passed on tips as I try different varieties.

I do a nice pork, mushroom, and pea stew in red sauce, a very nice meatloaf. Steaks and chops are an easy standby. I bake fresh organic asparagus in the oven with crushed garlic and olive oil. Spinach and broccoli are good green vegetables. She likes baked sweet potatoes also. I could have done better with white fish. It needed to be cooked longer. I did a corn beef and cabbage last Sunday as we were away over St. Pats day. The weather is slowly getting better in Rhode Island so soon I can start grilling outside. Today I will roast a chicken.

Recently I received a notice for jury duty. Several years ago I had jury duty and enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I checked off that I needed to be excused. I need to drive Marie for weekly cancer treatments. I would have liked to do that again. It would have been costly. They pay $14.00 a day and parking is almost that much, plus travel, lunches.

I am thankful that I am retired and can afford to stay at home to be a full time caregiver. I am quick to laugh at my mistakes and have become very (95%) patient with my ailing wife and her demands. Today she wanted 1/3 of a banana. We have several, a third of a big one or a smaller one I asked. I got the look and picked one myself. I ate the last bite!

Next Tuesday, Marie starts a new regiment of chemo. The last chemo drug did not make the expected progress. We are positive and hopeful.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

An Anatomy of a Murder

A couple of weeks ago, we noticed in the TV Guide that An Anatomy of a Murder was going to be shown at an ungodly hour. We decided to tape it. Several years ago when we were making our Michigan tour of lighthouses, we booked a night in the Big Bay Lighthouse near Thunder Bay, Michigan. The light itself is managed by the USCG. The lighthouse is now a private B & B on Lake Superior. There were two choices for dinner, eat at the Lumberjack Tavern or drive 30 miles to Marquette and dodge the deer on the roadway after dusk on the return trip. We choose the Tavern. The connection to the movie is that the actual murder took place in this Tavern in the same room where we ate. The movie was shot in and around the area. At the time of the murder, the U S Army was training artillery units along the lake. The murder was committed by an Army officer after his wife told him she had been raped by the bartender-owner of the Tavern.

The film was shot in 1959 and the Thunder Bay Inn was used in the film. We walked around the Inn and it had not changed from the time of the movie. At the time the film was considered "risque". The legal significance is that this was the first successful defence using "temporary insanity" as a plea. The film leads you to believe that the Army officer was in full control and got away with murder. Although the movie is 2 1/2 hours long, it completely held our interest.

We enjoyed the stay at the lighthouse. The owner gave a talk on the history of the lighthouse and the keepers over the years. We can always say that we slept in a lighthouse. However, it was our dining at the Lumberjack Tavern that was really the highpoint.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Quick Trip South

It has been a daily grind since January 2ND. Every Monday a blood test for Marie to see if she is strong enough to take her Tuesday chemo treatment along with what they call a hu2 inhibitor. Not everyone has the right whatever to take Herceptin. Herceptin is not considered a chemo drug. It supposedly stops the cancer cells from dividing and multiplying. The chemo is three weeks followed by an off week. The Herceptin is every week. Oddly the side effects from the chemo drug were minimal. It is the other drug that causes severe body pain in 10% of the patients. This regiment was developed by Dana Farber in Boston for folks whose breast cancer has metastasized. After 10 weeks, a scan showed that this treatment was not having the desired effect. The Oncologist (who we like and respect) told us to take two weeks off and go somewhere. The body pain that my wife has experienced has been particularly severe in her legs, adding to her MS ills.

So we decided to go to the Outer Banks, a favorite place, and an easy two day drive for her. My wife had not been getting much exercise these past weeks due to the pain. As we traveled she was walking more as we stopped at rest areas, visitor centers, motels and restaurants. We had reserved a room at the new Hilton in Kitty Hawk. We had a straight on ocean view. A very nice upscale Hotel. Unfortunately our room was a hike from the elevator. Worse yet the king adjustable (so called) bed was horrible. We did tour the Wright Brothers memorial, Had a nice lunch at the Duck Deli, a dinner at Tortuga Lie and another at Sam and Omy's. Sam and Omy's is a local hangout for the fishermen and local folks. More bar than restaurant. I like it.

I was awaken on the third morning from a sound sleep before 5 AM. My wife was crying and in immense pain. I believe that the prior weeks of inactivity followed by a definite increase in activity had affected her legs. "I want to go home now" she cried. So I went about arranging an early checkout and acquiring reservations in Chincoteague, VA which would be a manageable 4 1/2 hour drive. She could barely walk with my support. The room in the Comfort Inn was great, comfortable bed, good inlet view, two door from the elevator. We were treated to much wildlife in the preserve as we drove around the loop. The next day we ran for Rhode Island.

This was the first trip we have made in the van that was purchased for the express use to travel to Florida for the winter. It proved to be a comfortable ride, spacious for luggage and stuff. Gas mileage was acceptable for a heavy box on wheels. We did get away for a few days. Her legs are getting stronger. She has gone from cane to a walker and needs a chair for a shower. The pain is easing.

This Friday we go back to the Oncologist and his associates to find out what the new treatment plan will be along with the side effects. Some heavy decisions will have to be made.

At least we had our time together for a few days in locales that have been special to us over the years as we begin the next treatment phase.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Beavertail

Beavertail is the southern most point on Conanicut Island. Jamestown is the local town and most folks refer to the island as Jamestown. The Beavertail lighthouse is located on this point guiding mariners into Narragansett Bay.

Beavertail is where I go to think. When I was between jobs in the summer of 1981, I would ride my motorcycle out there and use my leather jacket as a pillow and doze on the rocks and listen to the waves breaking over the rocks. Beavertail is also where I go to ward off the bad karma. I don't get depressed, mostly I either get a little sad or pissed at an undefined something.

Last week there were a number of irritants that seemed to add up. Marie did not bounce back from her weekly cancer treatment. The body ache stayed with her and she spent the Thursday crying. I had almost talked her into a ride to anywhere when the phone rang and my presence was requested by mom who was once again putting her house on the market. The agent was late, entered the house with cell phone pressed to her ear. As soon as she sat down, she said she had a pressing call to make. I started to stand up, and told her that I sign the papers right then as my wife was sick. She put the phone down. Mom liked her because mom likes anyone who hugs her. My first impression of the agent was not good.

Later when I got home and saw that the stack of mail included a Blue cross and a Lifespan envelope, I said, "mail from Blue cross makes me nervous". Bluecross doctors (paid by Bluecross) do not agree that Herceptin is proper treatment for Marie's condition and disallowed over $16,000.00 for January alone. I called Bluecross and talked to a very nice customer service person. No one gets to talk to the nameless doctors that say no. I called Lifespan and left a message. I guess no one in the receivables department wants to talk. They promise a call back. Not yet.

Friday, I went to the local pharmacy and had them price out Marie's scripts. I need to find a medicare D provider by July 1st. As I expected, none of them will cover more than 70% of the two drugs Marie takes to control her MS. Together they add up to over $3000.00 a month.

So, yesterday Marie and I drove to Beavertail. She sat in the car with the window barely cracked. I went and stood on the rocks in front of the lighthouse. There was a storm off the coast and the waves were running 6 to 8 feet and the wind was about 20 knots or better. As the waves started to break the wind would whip the crest of the breaking wave and catapult the spray 10 to 15 feet ahead of the breaking wave. As the waves crashed into the rocks the spray would shoot up and the droplets would catch the sunlight. The air was so crisp and clean smelling, and my face was burning from the force of the cold wind. I stood there until all the stress and whatever drained from my body. As I got into the car, I told Marie that I felt relaxed and we could head home.

Beavertail.... My favorite place in Rhode Island.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

January Sucked

I am glad January has departed. Marie started chemo for the second time in three years on the second. Once again her body is slowly being assaulted. As the drug kills (hopefully) the cancer cells, her white blood cells are killed also, contributing to her fatigue and lowering her resistance to germs. Her spirit remains strong and she has completed each treatment as scheduled.

My mom is no longer able to live alone. Her heating system is an oil fired steam contraption that I do not understand. I have been taking turns checking on the house and baby sitting the furnace repair person. This system periodically quits. First too much water and we had to drain it. Then too little water. It was only a matter of time before it failed and a pipe burst. The damage has been repaired and the house is back on the market at a realistic price. The oil guy says it won't happen again. Maybe my mom will start sleeping now.

Marie ran the self cleaning oven and when it was done, one top burner would no longer light. I was using matches to light it. They are less expensive than a repair person. I was visiting my brother in law and mentioned this. Find out if she cleaned the top burner he said. She probably blocked the small hole where the ignigter is located. I asked Marie and sure enought she used an SOS pad there. I took the unit apart and blew out the burner unit. Aha! It now works.

Finally, this is my fault. I was bragging at the local gas station that my 2001 Bonneville was the most perfect car that I have ever owned. Well a couple of days later the "Service Security System Soon" light came on. The local Pontiac dealer tells me that if the security system fails the car will quit running. I have an appointment and the Bonnie is sitting until then. He gave a ball park of $350.00

Yep, I'm glad January is over. At least February is short.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

21 Steps to Success

Years ago when I was responsible for the operations of a world wide Information Systems department, this business forms salesman would stop in at the reception area. I, of course, would not see him. This scenario went on for weeks. He would call me and I would side step him. Eventually I agreed to see him and listen to his pitch. He was very sociable and had a great sense of humor. If I remember correctly, he offered to take me out to lunch. My policy was I would not go to lunch with non vendors. He was tenacious and I finally started to purchase product from him. This was the start of a great friendship. Frankie and I managed to always make each other laugh. Soon he was successfully bidding and winning more of my business.

Then Frankie and his family moved to Florida and he started his own forms supply business. I continued to buy from him and our friendship continued. When my youngest daughter and two of her friends wanted to go to Disney during spring break of her junior year in high school, it was Frankie who met them at the airport, drove them to their hotel, picked them up one night and took them to dinner, and drove them back to the airport. Frankie waited until they boarded and then called me to let me know they were safely headed home.

One winter when Marie and I were vacationing in Florida, Frankie let us use his condo on the beach and hosted us at his ocean front home for a salmon and steak BBQ. Frankie personally caught the salmon in Alaska. I thought his house was paradise.

Last week I gave Frankie a call at his office in Florida. We chatted about our families...his daughter is a nurse and enjoys her work, his son a junior in college...gosh how old I feel remembering him as little guy. My oldest is expecting her third, my youngest (the Disney one) has two boys and lives way out past the Nordic lodge, my son, who went to the Red Sox in Boston with us, and spring training games, and one night egged Frankie into driving over 100 mph, and he is now going through a divorce. So we caught up with each others families. Frankie told me he had a new house...his dream house on a lake. I said I've heard this several times before. Frankie assured me this was the final one. It was then that he told me that he was sitting quietly in his break room reading the "21 Steps to Success". He told me that #1 was "pick your spouse carefully". A good spouse will contribute 90% to your successful career.

I am truly successful and fortunate that Frankie is my friend!!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Mastering The Supermarket

Years ago my wife had bleeding ulcers and I was pressed into doing the food shopping. Marie created the list and off I went with my first two children. The oldest was about 7. I started with the first item and dutifully searched for it and added it to the basket. After repeating this process several times, Jill pointed out to me that Mom goes up one aisle and then the next crossing off the items as they were added to the basket. I smartly replied that mom made the list this way for a reason and this was the way I would get them. Once home my methods were conveyed to Marie and she had a good laugh. For the next several weeks she created the list by aisle for me.

Once again I am now the main forager in the local supermarket as Marie endures another round of chemo. So having retired from the Information Processing field I would apply logic and technology to the task. I acquired a listing from the market and loaded all the items that we normally purchase into my PC with the aisle number. I then sorted this information alphabetically within ascending aisle number. This morning I sat with Marie made the list of needed items by aisle number and off I went. I was a making quick work of shopping, even helping another gentleman with the aisle number of his needed item. I recognized the look on his face as he tried to read the overhead signs.

I always use the automated scanner to checkout having figured out how to use the produce look up table. Swipe my credit card and out the door without having to talk to anyone.

Now this is the way to shop.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Up Jumped the Devil

The plan was to use this blog to describe the travels on the Florida Panhandle this winter. Marie and I have spent the last two winters in Panama City Beach. The panhandle is full of interesting places to visit and explore. December was busy with preparing linens and bath towels for travel, favorite cooking utensils were put aside. The condo comes equipped with those but we prefer our own. The beach towels (not provided) were washed and folded ready for packing. I recently purchases a honda mini van to carry all the "stuff" marie needs to be happy there. Check lists were complete for closing up the house, suspending Cox services and insurance on the vehicle that would be stored. The U S mail forwarding card was ready for submission. December is also a very busy doctor / dentist month. Marie fought breast cancer three years ago and she has major checkups in June and December. Long story short her liver function was abnormal. This triggered a cavity scan with contrast. The breast cancer metastasized to the lymph nodes in her chest and to her liver. Yet her breasts are clear. These results triggered a "mugger" test to insure that her heart is healthy and a brain scan with contrast. Some good news, the brain scan is fine and the heart is healthy. Marie's Oncology doctor wanted the treatments to be done here at least for a while so he can monitor the progress. This news did put a damper on Christmas and we did the best we could not to let it affect our grandchildren.

January 2nd Marie had her first weekly treatment. She is infused with two drugs. One is Herceptin and the second is Navelbine. All in all it was not very bad. The first time Herceptin causes muscel and joint pain to the point she could not get to bed without help the first night. We are told that this side effect will diminish to nothing over time. We are not without positives. We have been told that next winter we can go to Florida and have the treatments there. We may be able to scoot for a couple of weeks in march or April. I am checking condo rentals on the Outer Banks. We will also be here for the birth of grandchild number 8 in late February.

We are fortunate in that we have a caring family praying for Marie and I have a close circle of Navy buddies who are praying hard also.